How to Woo a Wordsmith (in 5 steps)

Relationship experts say that the natural give and take between two people can be described as a joint bank account. In order to thrive, both people need to be able to draw from the account. To prevent the "account" from going into overdraft, both people also need to make deposits into the account.

Deposits and withdrawals are done in how we express love and also in how we receive love. What makes our partner feel loved isn't necessarily what we think will make them feel loved, this comes down to individual love languages, a concept first mapped out by marriage counsellor Gary Chapman in his best-selling book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts.

As Chapman explains, discovering a partner’s love language is about finding the tool that keeps their love tank (or the joint relationship account) filled up, not running on empty.

If you wind up in a relationship with an old-school lover that swoons at things like dusty old books, chunky-knit sweaters and triple-syllable words, chances are you're with someone that has the hardest love language of all: Word of Affirmation.

If you're not a "wordy" person, meaning you literally only speak when you absolutely have to, verbally expressing affection can be a tad overwhelming. In fact, it might feel like you're trying to speak Greek, you don't even know where to start.

I get it. As a die-hard romantic, I see both sides to this. It's super intimidating learning to use words to express your love but if you don't do it, your partner will always feel emotionally neglected and malnourished, even if you love that person with all your heart. You must translate that love into a language they can understand so that the love actually arrives and does its job to nourish the heart and the relationship.

Here's my take on it and if you follow this guide, you'll have your other half swooning before the week is over (thank me later).

Step one: Text it.

It doesn't have to be verbal. Wait, what? Aren't words verbal? Not at first. If you feel shy, it's pretty understandable. No one rambles off in a new language, you have to learn to speak it before you feel confident. So start by texting. Seriously, nothing beats a romantic text. Easy-peasy? Hold up. Read on before you start typing.

Step two: Use plain English

Language ain't your thing, it's your partner's, so don't try to complicate things or be impressive. Keep it simple. Speak plain English. Make it sincere and keep it short. "thinking of you so much this morning" is a great romantic text, while "I missed you today" as an evening greeting packs one hell of a punch. Sound too easy to be possible? It literally is this simple.

Step three: Keep a cheat sheet

Not sure what to say? If this isn't your love language, it is completely normal to feel clueless, which is why you need to use prompts. Rely on them, they're there to help you. Insert your own authentic and truthful observation/feeling/memory/thought at the end of the prompt. THIS resource is fantastic, you have 125 seriously amazing sentence starters,

Step four: Do it. Every. Single. Day.

Do you want to be loved every day? Yes. So make sure you're also loving back every day. Set an alarm on your phone to remind you. No jokes here. Yes, this sounds super unnatural but learning a new language ALWAYS feels unnatural at first. Train your brain by setting three alarms daily, when you're away from your partner, reminding you to visit your cheat sheet of sentences and get texting, writing, speaking or whatever you choose to do. But make it happen. When you're not apart, use the alarm to say it verbally, or move into the next room and send a text from there. Somehow, a text from a speakable distance is absolutely swoon-worthy romantic.

Step five: Find ways in real life to prompt yourself

You need to look for little ways to remind yourself to say something to your partner. Make sure you are giving as much as you are receiving, give verbal affirmation whenever you receive affection. Hugging? Finish it off with a compliment. Making eye contact? Say something simple but sweet: "I love the way you look at me" or "you are precious to me". Reciprocate affection immediately when it is given. That way, the balance is always there and your partner's love tank is always as full as yours is.

These activities might feel really insincere at first, and there is nothing worse than inauthenticity when it comes to love. Remember why you are doing this, you are doing this because you want to be fluent in your partner’s love language and see your relationship blossom. Persevere through that difficulty until it feels natural, trusting that it will.

Go forth, and make romance happen.